Thursday, 8 March 2012

Gems from James: Christmas Past Edition

I know it's March and I shouldn't really be thinking about Christmas, but I figured we could all use a little Christmas cheer to hold us over till the next big holiday.  I'm talking about St. Patrick's Day of course.  What?  I'm very Irish - haven't you seen my last name?!
So anyways, you all know James produces gems for me to mine like gangbusters all year round, but what you didn't know was that he really shines them up in time for Christmas.  It all started way back in his university days with his job at a very classy wine store (which just moved to a beautiful new location, btw).  Most people agree that enjoying a festive beverage at Christmas time is right up there with building gingerbread houses, and so Christmas Eve is always a very busy day at the store.  The generous owner of the store would reward his hard working staff with a well deserved sip here and there throughout the day, opening bottles he had been saving up all year just for the occasion.  Needless to say, when the working day ended at four o'clock Jimmy required a chauffeur to get him to Christmas dinner where the festivities would continue.  After we were married it became a new tradition that Jimmy and I would meander back to my parents' house at the end of the night on Christmas Eve so that Santa might fill our stockings there.  
And thus Gems from James Christmas Edition was born.  Because he is such a generous soul, at Christmas time Jimmy shares his verbal nuggets with my whole family and not just me.  These are the type of gems that have mileage for years, and are often brought up at Sunday dinners.  Now that he no longer works at the wine store sipping vintage reds all day long, he has to work a little harder and faster to get himself into the festive mood, but he never, ever fails.
The year after we were married was the year Jimmy whisper-shouted to my parents and siblings what my Christmas gift (that I had yet to open) would be while I was sitting next to him, repeating his news every few minutes as he promptly forgot what he had just said.
A couple of years ago, Jimmy again suffered short term memory loss, saying to my sister:
"Do you like coconut flavoured lip gloss?  Because Shel got this coconut flavoured lip gloss from my aunt, and she doesn't like coconut.  You should have that coconut flavoured lip gloss."
And again, moments later:
"Do you like coconut flavoured lip gloss?  Because Shel got this coconut flavoured lip gloss from my aunt, and she doesn't like coconut.  You should have that coconut flavoured lip gloss."
But Christmas 2011 definitely takes the cake.  We pulled up to my parents' house, car loaded with gifts and food for the coming celebrations, and Jimmy decided at that exact moment he must immediately relieve himself . . . in the shrubs.  My very responsible brother-in-law chose this exact moment to exit the house to help his pregnant sister-in-law and her husband unload the car, which he did, laughing the whole time.  I don't believe Jimmy actually unloaded much from the car.  But he did make it into the house to have just one more celebratory Grey Goose and juice with his sibs-in-law.  Short term memory loss caused him to ask my sister several time where she had been that evening and otherwise entertain us, until suddenly, there was a pause in the conversation.  Jimmy leaned back in his chair and unleashed the best Christmas Edition gem yet:
"Man . . . a bird could fly right in to my face right now, and I wouldn't even care!"
We were stunned into silence.  Who knows what led him on this train of thought. The Grey Goose?  The thought of Christmas turkey?  We're not sure.  But we laughed at the absurdity of it.  
Jimmy didn't last much longer.  He suddenly became pale and announced he wouldn't be finishing his one last drink.  He made his way up to bed as I bid goodnight to the sibs, then followed a few minutes later.  I wasn't able to make it very far however, as I stumbled over a giant husband shaped lump lying at the top of the dark stairs.  I roused my no longer festive husband, and guided him to bed, where he rolled over and said:
"I really shouldn't have eaten those gummies.  They're what did me in!" And promptly fell into a peaceful slumber, sugar plum fairies spinning above his snoring head.  
And hey, guess what else?  I've been published on someone's site other than my own!  You can check out my first article here.
Can't you hardly wait for Christmas 2012?!  I told you some Christmas cheer was what we needed!
Update:  Jimmy just walked in the door and asked what I was doing.  I told him I was writing a blog post all about him.  His reply?
"It's about time you gave the people what they want!"  I need never worry about lacking material while he's around.

1 comment:

  1. Gummies are dangerous - I believe they are now including label warnings. Loved your article, very informative. Is that a picture of Q? Soooo cute.