Allergies

I don't know how I turned out to be the paragon of healthy eating that I am today with parents like mine.  You heard just yesterday about my mom's m&m lunch menu.  Well, today my dad ate a whole jar of pineapple salsa with chips by himself.  He complained the rest of the day about how sick he felt, but still managed to eat two pieces of chocolate cake for dessert.  After his gastrointestinal overindulgence, he was walking strangely.  When my mom asked what was wrong, he said "I don't know, my body hurts.  Ever since I ate all that salsa.  I think I'm allergic to something."
We could not stop laughing!  What the what?  How does a man with no known food allergies suddenly develop a limp?  After the snickers subsided, my mom offered the same piece of advice my dad ALWAYS gives whenever anyone complains of any kind of stomach upset: "Maybe you just need to poop!" Cue the chorus of chortles.
Keep it regular,
Shelby

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My husband is a charming and supportive man.  Please don't let the contents of this (first!) post dissuade you of these or any other shining qualities he possesses.  And yet -
The other night as we were about to fall asleep, I was struck by a sudden creative brain wave full of ideas for my shiny new blog - what else?  I grabbed for my iPhone with cat-like reflexes (ok, so I knocked it off the night table.  Pregnancy has made me REALLY clumsy) and tried to get my ideas down before I could forget them.  Because I am an exceedingly thoughtful wife, I was typing under the covers so the light from my phone wouldn't disturb my cherub of a husband.  It turns out that this strategy wasn't as stealthy as I first thought.  Jimmy soon rolled over.


Jimmy: What are you doing?


Me: Nothing.


Jimmy: Why are you typing under the covers?


It does get tiresome trying to explain the basics of  courteous bed time iPhone usage to those who are so impervious.  Sigh.  After some explanation of my under cover typing, a discussion of ideas I could use for the blog heated up.  Some ideas Jimmy offered were good (can't you hardly wait to see what he came up with?  Maybe you should subscribe!) and some not so much.  For example, one idea involved flatulence and how best to deal with it.  Not just any flatulence, but his own flatulence.  Now don't get me wrong, bodily functions can be entertaining material, and other bloggers I admire make this their bread and butter (have you checked out Dooce?).   But it is risky territory, especially for a first post.  I pointed this out to Jimmy.


Me: Do you really want me to write about your farts on the internet?


Jimmy: Why not?  It's not like you'll have any followers anyway.


Touché.  Well played, James, well played.  All I can say is he's going to be sorry when I tell my grandma about my blog.  Next Sunday dinner could be a little awkward.
Who knew marriage would provide such stimulating late-night conversation?  Not I.

Everyone knows scarves and glasses are the most intellectual of accessories.